I would like to start this post with this statement: I am not a perfect Christian. I have been suspicious of this notion for quite some time. That being said, my thoughts might not be in line with those that I should probably be thinking.
Next, the purpose of this post. Well, it seems that this week was full of a lot of disappointments on my end, misinforming to others, and lies easily spread by others. So, my purpose is to put some truth out there.
I have wrote, deleted, and wrote this post a couple of times. But it comes down to this simple truth. I wanted the job at Chisum, tried my hardest for it, and the admin shot me down in an unfair manner. I could go into so many details, examples, and vents…but that is not my purpose with this post. My purpose in this post is to put some truths out there. Some truths that we seem to forget. Now, if you are someone I used to work with- and you would like to know my side of the story…please feel free. I have no problem clearing up any of the many misinformations out there.
Truth- I feel betrayed, hurt, lied to, stepped on, abused, and angry- oh yes, angry…out for justice, vengence, revenge…I also feel pissy, snippy, annoyed, frustrated…do you get the point? Basically- I’ve felt better. After writing a letter to the school board, running into an old co-worker and being snippy, and plotting how to publicly humiliate those who had wronged me in this situation…I kept getting advice I DID NOT want to hear.
The advice consisted of, “Let it go,” ” Holding on to that anger will only hurt you,” or “God has better things in store for you.” Ok, my inner…not perfect Christian had an initial reaction to that last statement. Yes, God has a plan…and yes, I have to trust in Him, but YES, I also know that humans mess up his plans all the time! Have you read facebook? Have you looked at the world news? Have you spent more than 10 minutes with those uppity Christians??? Humans mess up his plans all the time!
I mess up His plans all the time.
…and yet, things still manage to turn out. That is the truth that this week has presented to me. My flesh fights, rebels, and feels all of these emotions that drive my actions. Yet, even when I put my trust in myself by doing what I want to do…God is still there working things out. Yes, I might (I have…and will) mess up his initial plans, he has so many back up plans…I can learn to feel comforted when things don’t go how I want them to.
Another truth- we are ALL lying, backstabbing cowards. Maybe not all the time, maybe not to everyone- but we are. Which…and I didn’t want to come to this conclusion…means me. Sometimes- it is just me and/or God that I am lying to. If I want to stand in my rightful justice of the wrongs done to me…then holy crap- that means I have to stand in the rightful justice others can hold me accountable to. Yeah, I don’t know about you- but I don’t like examining the log in my own eye. In fact, I prefer to ignore it and just buy books in larger fonts. It is easy to see the faults in others. I can rattle off long lists of faults in others. I can’t rattle of my list as fast. Oh, I know what most of them are- I just can’t rattle my own list off as quickly or willingly.
Do I completely forgive those that have wronged me this past week and are spreading lies about this situation to make themselves look better? Are you kidding me?!?! Did you not read my first paragraph- I am not a perfect Christian! But, I am willing to start letting it go. I will work on it. I will really have to work on it- but, I am not going to dwell on them, my desire for revenge, or the wrongs they have done to me. And in doing that- I believe that will be my first step in letting it go.
I hope that if I have wronged someone out there, I have lied, backstabbed, betrayed, acted cowardly, etc., to someone else- that they too can start the steps to letting it go.
Ok, I have 2 weeks left of summer…I am going to have a good 2 weeks.